How to manage your emotions 101

Upset when something doesn’t go your way? Stressed after an abysmal CCA session? Ecstatic that you are done and dusted with Project Work? Congratulations, you’re human.

Everyone has emotions, and these emotions tend to be created in response to an experience. Often enough, negative emotions (e.g. sadness) weigh us down more than positive ones (e.g. happiness). These emotions can influence our thoughts and actions, and they often cloud our otherwise objective judgement. This will most definitely affect our mental state and may hurt our relationships with others.

Imagine this. The killer combination of a long stressful day with the pleasant surprise of failing your Econs essay (haha, hello to that S grade and the scolding you may possibly receive). The moment you’re home, your parents badger you for an answer to why you’re home late. You feel like you’ve no time to breathe and your frustration and anger nearly gets the better of yourself.

What should you do then? You might react intuitively and lash out at your parents, “Stop bothering me!” and then feel remorseful afterwards (I hope you do…). Or, you could tell them nicely that you’re having a bad day and that you’ll explain when you’re feeling better. Afterall, they’re merely concerned for your well-being.

Such events may occur frequently (especially once you hit puberty), and we need to know how to stop reacting and start responding to others. Pst, know the difference between the two. A reaction is usually quick, and instinctive (which may lead to an emotionally charged argument). In retrospect, we may end up regretting what we have done in the heat of the moment. A response, however, is something that may be slower as it has been thought through (and will not be provocative).

I’ll list several habits/actions that I follow (as do my friends), and I urge you to try them out if you’re not already doing so. These actions/habits have the common aim of introducing mindfulness into your lives.

1. Give yourself time to feel the emotion, chill/cool off, and then pick yourself back up.

After having a bad day, you might wallow in your own sorrow and feel utterly terrible. That’s okay. But remember, life goes on. Within 15 minutes of feeling upset, you need to get back on your feet and reset your emotions. Go listen to music or take a long shower to calm down. A tip my mother gave me: go to the toilet and concentrate your anger/sadness, then flush it away.

2. Don’t keep it bottled up; talk to someone.

If you are unable to forget about an emotion, talk to someone. Chances are, they’ve felt the same way and they may give you valuable advice on how to tackle the problem you’re currently facing.

3. Keep a journal to log down events that happen during the day, then reflect on your behaviour.

A way to be more mindful of your emotions throughout the day is to take 10 minutes a day to write down things that caused you to react. Say you were angry after a conversation (turned argument) with your sibling. Why were you angry? Were you angry at them because they said something wrong or were you already feeling frustration prior to the conversation?

Knowing the cause of your anger allows you to prevent a repeat of incident and helps you to minimise your emotional outbursts. Don’t stop here. Reflect on your actions: is there a way to communicate politely with your sibling?

Here’s an example of a way you can log down your day and evaluate your actions:

Situation: When my sister initiated a conversation with me today, it escalated into a fight.

Reaction: I felt very upset with her.

Cause #1: My sister said something insensitive today during a conversation. I purposely retorted to get under her skin which was wrong of me.

Evaluation: I should have been less defensive. Now that we’ve fought, I will tell her that I found her words insensitive because she might not have felt the same way.

Cause #2: I was already feeling frustrated because I couldn’t solve several Math TYS questions. I was agitated when I replied to her and this caused her to feel upset with me.

Evaluation: If this happens again next time, I will take a step back and cool down before responding to her. It was wrong of me to take out my anger on her.

You may now be thinking, “Oh nO, more work? I have enough of writing!” Trust me, journaling helps you in the long run. It will allow you to effectively recognise your emotions when you are in similar situations and provides you with thought out responses that can lower the chances of a conflict occurring.

4. Meditate for 15 minutes before you sleep (or in the morning to clear your head).

Meditation helps you to know yourself and be more attuned to your own feelings. Positive effects of meditation include being calmer and more relaxed and it will definitely help you keep check of your emotions. I recommend downloading a mobile application (e.g. Ten Percent) and following the (free) guided meditation practices until you’re familiar with how to meditate on your own.

We’ve been told repeatedly that our performance matters, that we need to score good grades in order to succeed in life, that we need to hit certain targets in life in order to rake in more money. While these words still hold some semblance of truth in the current age, our (physical and mental) health matters more. Never compromise your health in your pursuit of success.

If you are feeling stressed, sad, or frustrated, remember that there are people who have been in your position and were able to climb out of that ditch. You can do it too!

---

This post is proudly contributed by Angela Ang (RVHS Class of 2019).

Angela misses being a student in the classroom, where she could learn new things alongside her classmates and friends. She urges everyone to cherish the student life!